I find that taking small steps, can often get you further. When I went vegetarian, it wasn’t something I did overnight. I started with trying out some recipes that were, only eating vegetarian on some days. I went completely vegetarian, when I noticed the taste of meat, the texture of meat was something I hated and when I dreaded the thought of eating it. So since then I haven’t missed meat for one second. It is the same process I’m going through with going vegan, I still aren’t that. But I have started with taking the cheese out during the day, milk was something I have taken out of my diet long before. I just like the taste of almond milk better. And of course, as you might, or might not, have noticed on my blog, I’ve been trying out vegan recipes. And I hope that the transition will go as smooth as the one where I went meatless. Although I have a feeling this might be slightly more difficult. But as long as I take a small step at the time it will be possible. It might not be quick, but I prefer making a change that I could keep forever, then change all of a sudden and not being able to stick to it.
The reason why I want to become vegan and why I’m now vegetarian is the guilt. For a couple of years I actually hated the thought that I was chewing on some innocent animal and with my OCD was doing it already hard to enjoy my food, it didn’t help. Eating became filled with feelings of anxiety, quilt and not trusting my body. This stayed, even though my therapy, although trusting my body did become easier. I wanted that trust back before I would go on this journey going cruelty free.
Trying out and finding recipes that I didn’t need to be feeling guilty for opened a whole new world, where enjoying my food became a possibility again. It became easier to keep eating (I lost a lot of weight and during my time in therapy I tried very hard to gain some). And now I think I can actually say I love food more than I ever have. Although I might not always been anxious with food, I did always have been a picky eater. I still am, but I found so many foods that I really like and never knew existed before. I never knew that for me, a very picky eater, there is actually so much food (healthy foods too) that I can enjoy. Something quite excited I would say. Now I won’t say that I never feel anxious anymore when I take a bite of something, I just like the food better than the impulse of not eating.
I’d like to make an effort to be kind to the world, especially my OCD isn’t the most environmentally friendly (although so much kinder already). I do think that every small effort, that lies in your capability can already make a difference. So I spirit of that I want another habit of mine to improve. My shopping. I love buying new things, even more so when I have been feeling quite down, because that new item of clothing that I bought feels like a whole new set of possibility. And I like that. But fashion, fast fashion, makes quite the impact on the environment. So I would like to be better with that. Now stopping completely is probably not quite possible, but I could look into some more sustainable options. Options like second hand or companies with more sustainable fashion. It won’t be impossible, just difficult to restrain my impulses. Who else gets that ‘I need to have that’ virus when you see something you really like together with the feeling that if you don’t you might miss out on something big.